(What I’ve learned trying to date in my mid-thirties living as my authentic and ambitious self.)
I support ambitious women, I am related to them, I am friends with them, I work with them, and I am one. Ambitious women have goals, perhaps they were once dreams, but they are now things that we are pursuing. If you have a vision of your life, and what you hope to achieve, accomplish, and create, the likelihood is you are always busy, on the go, and struggle to "do nothing." Always being on the go, always having budding ideas that we hope to manifest into reality. For some you may have a job or career and a side business that you are working or trying to create. Some call us workaholics, some don't understand why we work the way we do, and how our minds operate. Perhaps some of us are workaholics, however, most of us are just not willing to settle or give up on the dreams what we are working on bringing to life.
Being an ambitious woman can make dating and finding love difficult. Relationships require time, effort, and work as well. Finding a match can be hard. Time is limited, and personally, I only invest time in those who I feel a strong connection with, who I believe are worth investing my time in. Even within friendships it can be a balancing act to keep a social life, a work life, and keep working towards the bigger picture, whatever that looks like for you. Often there is a feeling of FOMO (fear of missing out) if we need to not attend last minute plans or cancel due to deadlines. Even if they are our own deadlines, keeping them is often important to us. Of course we'd love a night out, or a weekend away, but we get anxious about deadlines and the possibility of not meeting them. Often we talk too much, and we really understand that not everyone is interested in what we are doing. You need to understand, that for us, we are so passionate, so driven, and so motivated, we are excited to share with our friends and significant others what we are working on, when we hit a milestone, or overcome an unforeseen challenge.
Ambition is a wonderful thing to have - however as a female specifically, it brings on additional challenges. It can make us feel wonderful, but it can also lead to burn out. It has the ability to make us strive for unrealistic expectations and perfection that doesn't exist, making us go crazy if we don't properly manage out time. Often ambitious women feel the need to always be doing something, down time may be a struggle. It's important to remember that we can do a lot of things, so many wonderful things, but we can't do it all, at least not without sufficient self-care. So, the question is, as ambitious women, what do we need in a romantic partner? What do we need in a relationship? And what does it look like to be in a relationship with an ambitious woman? First off, finding a person who can handle an ambitious woman is part of the battle. So many times I’ve heard women say "I told him what I do for a living and that was the end of the conversation" or "He asked what my goals were in life and when I told him, you could see the discomfort that was the end of the relationship before it began." I have not only heard these things from friends, clients, and to be honest, total strangers, but I have lived it and am living it as well. Ambitious women are strong, motivated, dedicated, and I can almost guarantee that if you have an ambitious woman giving you any amount of her time, she's interested, because she isn't about wasting time.
One of my closest friends, Laura Jackson, M.S. said recently, "Loving someone who is highly ambitious requires an understanding of late nights, early mornings, laptops in bed, hours of writing nonstop, rambling about random topics, high levels of stress, and random excitement about projects. It's definitely not for the faint of heart." I could relate to it so much, it also made me realize that there are so many ambitious women, fighting, chasing, working so hard to accomplish their goals, to make those pipeline dreams, their reality. These same ambitious women still want a relationship with meaning, and for many of us, finding someone who accepts us, supports us, and wants to have a family with us, is a part of that dream.
So what do ambitious women need in their relationships?
If you have read any of my earlier articles about relationships and values, you know that support is a key factor. I’m not talking about financial support here, rather physical and emotional support. Within a relationship we are looking for someone to be in our corner when things get tough. To cheer us on every step of the way as we make strides towards whatever goal we are trying to accomplish. Support when we need a break, and sometimes, to keep on going. In turn you will find that ambitious women are extremely supportive partners, your success is important to us, we honestly want you to succeed as much as we wish to exceed, if not more. Ambitious women need to be with a partner pushes us a little harder, helps us to reach a little higher, lift us up, help us dig a little deeper, and push ourselves a little harder.
Intelligence is so attractive, and being with someone who can have an intellectual conversation and continually stimulate our minds, is not only a major turn on, but also immensely important. Every ambitious woman I know is smart, driven, motivated, and focused, and we are all in need of a partner who is our intellectual equal, or at least a person who also wants to continuously grow, learn, and increase their knowledge and skill set.
Space to be Independent.
A clingy, insecure partner won’t do for an ambitious women. We need our space! We need our time to give our undivided attention to whatever it is we are working on. Also time to practice self-care, manifest, and take care of ourselves so that we are more able to live authentically with purpose, and to do all things whole heartedly. Being able to spend time either alone or with friends is imperative to our overall wellbeing. Going to that barre class, taking a solo trip, or going out for coffee alone, whatever it is we are doing, it’s not that we don’t value you and your time. In fact it’s the opposite, we very much value you and your time, but in order to give you and the relationship the best of us, we also need our independence and to be able to do the things that fuel our hearts and minds. If we are quiet, it doesn’t mean anything is wrong, it more than likely means we are thinking. Think about our next move, another idea, remember, we dream, we believe, and we achieve.
Confidence is sexy! So a partner who is confident in his own skin, about who he is, what he wants, and where he is headed in life. We are ambitious women, and the likelihood is, that most of us have always been ambitious. From having lemon aid stands as kids, to directing out own plays with friends, we have always been go-getters. Being with someone who doesn’t know what they want in life, doesn’t have goals, who isn’t inspired, and doesn’t have the confidence to chase their dreams and make them a reality – realistically won’t be the right partner for us. We love being around other confident and motivated people, we are happy to support you, but you must be aware and ready for the high levels of ambition that burns within us.
Someone who won’t be intimidated or feel emasculated by a motivated partner.
If we intimidate you, make you feel less than, emasculated by our drive, motivation, or success, it’s most likely not a good fit. It may also mean you need to do some work around yourself to figure out what is making you feel that way. Where are the feelings stemming from, and is it possible for you to overcome them. Ambitious women live in the fast lane, always on the go, however, it doesn’t mean that we are trying to compete with anyone. In fact, most of us, only see ourselves as our competition. We lift others up, we support others in their endeavors, and we go deep and dirty into whatever our goal may be. We are on the same team, and there is no “I” in team, at least not the last time I checked.
Someone who can keep up with us, we are always on the go.
Ambitious women like ambitious men. It may be upping career moves, educational gains, competing in a sport, whatever it is, and ambitious women are attracted to men who have goals of their own and can keep up with us. Empires are built when two strong, driven, ambitious people come together. (I don’t know why I have this desire to watch The Empire Strikes Back as I write this.) Nothing beats having a partner who isn’t afraid of hard work, getting dirty, perusing their own passions, and is living their own life fully, whole heartedly, and feel fulfilled and happy when they return home at the end of the of each day.
A true partnership.
Ambitious women want a loving relationship, sure, but we also want the person we are with to be our best friend, our partner in crime, so to speak. A partnership that is equal, full of support, where each party motivates and lifts the other up. Truly living whole heartedly, authentically, and helping one another to become the best possible versions of themselves. We want a partner who is truly interested in what we are working towards. You hear us, but are you listening? We will always take interest in the person we are dating, and our expectation in that relationship, is that the other person will give us that same respect. Our ideal partner isn’t just our cheerleader, our shoulder, and our best friend, but someone who truly gets us, and understands and supports what it is we are working so hard to accomplish.