Here we are, five months post-op. I have been thinking of writing for months, but to be honest and transparent, I haven't known where to start.
Surgery was on November 11th, 2023. Less than 10 days later I had a post-op appointment on the phone with my surgeon who discharged me without physically seeing me, and ignored my concerns and struggles.
I knew I wasn't okay, however felt invalidated and as though he didn't care if I was or wasn't okay, While reading to my kids two nights after this I felt a terrible pain, I couldn't sit at all, after reaching out to the doctor I was told "your body is recovering." Another two days later I started hemorrhaging blood all over my house, it was Thanksgiving morning, I was rushed to the ER, and soon admitted to the hospital due to massive blood clots and blood loss. Scared, alone, angry, frustrated, and feeling as though if my surgeon had done his job and actively listened the medical trauma could have been avoided. On top of this my youngest kids saw the entire thing, bringing on extra guilt and fear of traumatizing them as well.
After a hospital stay, I finally started my true recovery after two weeks of pain and misery. It took time for my body to heal from blood loss, for my blood count to restore, for my heart rate and pulse to regulate. Mentally I was struggling. I was having nightmares of bleeding out over and over. I was struggling with the fact that I was never going to have my own child, I wanted to carry my own in the worst way, and had worked on grief, acceptance, and letting go. Going into it I felt like I was in a good place, however the grief hit differently after surgery. That still comes in waves. several weeks ago, for the first time, possibly ever, I was happy with a pregnancy announcement rather than triggered, I was proud of myself. Yesterday after another pregnancy announcement I was triggered and broke down. Mentally, I am doing better, though still have my moments. I am human.
Physically, I have gained 20 lbs, am retaining water, and having some new GI issues. I no longer have a sweet tooth, in fact chocolate doesn't taste the same and I'm more into savory and/or salty which is new to me. The first month of recovery I lived on pad thai and gluten free chicken nuggets.
I am back to 7 days a week in the gym, my left side incision has given me some issues, and I've been working my hardest to massage it, stretch it, and heal my body. I am in the process of finding an endocrinologist to try and find out what's going on. I have changed up my workouts, and am working hard to engage my core and get myself physically healed and recovered. It's a long road, and no one really tells you the honest truth, likely because no one would op for the procedure. 5 months later, still working on my physical and mental recovery from hysterectomy,
The thing is, I'd still do it again, maybe with a different doctor, but honestly, who knows. Not living in pain 24/7, not having to stick to a diet with no read meat or certain veggies that once triggered me, not being in pain 24/7, no attacks making me keel over at any given moment, its a better quality of life. I am hopeful that another 7 months from now, when I hit my year of recovery, life will be even better, and I for one, look forward tot hat day.