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  • Writer's pictureHalf Holistic Living

Don't Lose Your Self-Respect While Taking Effort to Save Any Relationship.

You can't force communication, loyalty, consistency, commitment, or integrity. If it's forced, it's honestly not worth it.

When training for my masters in clinical psychology they taught us that we should never work harder than our clients, we should put the same effort in as they do. Similar to other relationships with friends or significant others, why put in 100% if someone is only putting in 10, 15, 20, or possibly 50%, it’s not worth wearing yourself down and doing all the work if the client or other party isn’t invested. You will burn yourself out or end up becoming resentful of the relationship and the likelihood is nothing will change if the other party isn’t in the same place as you.

It can be a slippery slope, there can be different reasons why relationships get stuck at this point or why sometimes they take a downward spiral to this point. Communication in any relationship is key. The better your communication skills in any relationship (family, friends, work, romantic relationships) the better all your relationships will be. Relationships of any kind are hard, as we get older our lives shift, our interests may change, our priorities change, we grow in different ways, and let’s be honest, we change and things that were once important to us become insignificant and our views and ethics change. We become wiser and more educated and become more aware about different issues, we develop true ideals and passions.

Our priorities change. Staying in with a fire lit and a good book cuddled with your partner seems more attractive than meeting friends for drinks, going out means going out before 8p.m. and getting home before midnight rather than leaving to go out sometime around 10p.m. Family and a small close knit group of friends is everything. In fact that close knit group is part of your family, and you would most likely do anything for them. However, what about those other relationships, the ones who you are holding onto, still putting far more effort into than you are getting back. We all know that we put the effort in because we care, however, at the same time we feel a sense of hurt, loss, as though we will never be good enough, and as though we either are being strung along, or maybe really just.. An acquaintance. Ouch. An acquaintance… after all the effort you have put in, perhaps it’s time to step back and stop putting so much time into relationships that you aren’t getting anything out of. Stop putting 100% of yourself into something that you aren’t getting 100% back from. If you are getting 20%, give 20%. It burns, it stings, but it’s the cold hard truth. Don’t work harder than the other person. Don’t cause yourself mental anguish, stress, and anxiety for someone else if they are not giving you the same time and effort that you are willingly and lovingly showing them. STOP letting someone else dictate your potential happiness. It doesn’t matter what type of relationship it is, romantic or not, you deserve the same effort from a friend or significant other that you put in. End of story.

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